There are days where I am the poster child for the phrase 'dumb blonde'. Sometimes it feels like everyday and all day long. Think back to your college days. You are in a class that you wanted to take, eager to take, and giddy with learning the subject matter. Then ten minutes into lecture your brain turns to mush. By two weeks into the semester you are wondering why in the world you took the class but were determined to understand and pass the course.
Sometimes I feel this turmoil when studying the Bible. I am constantly seeking wisdom and understanding of God's word. Occasionally upon reading scripture though my brain turns to mush, the blonde in me suddenly wants to drink, and I'm ready to throw in the towel. I feel like I'm studying for a final exam that will determine the rest of my life....or actually I probably am, right?
Why must I feel this way? I don't like it. I don't like feeling like I'm the stupidest person sitting in church. The last month or so I am desperately seeking God and searching for answers. I am craving His word and the need for it to be in my life. What I thought was God's plan does not seem to be coming into fruition. I know that God puts us through tough times to test us, but how do you know if it is God testing you or Satan trying to beat you up? (or is this a dumb blonde question?)
I guess I'm wondering if this is normal. Is it normal not to understand His word? Is it normal to want to have it spoken to me like I'm a three year old so that I can understand it? Is it normal to want the black and white picture so that I can quit having anxiety and stress?
Lord, help me understand your plan for me. Give me the wisdom and knowledge to understand Your word and to share it with others. Help me through these trials and to be full of Your grace. In Jesus name, Amen.