Need some spritual understanding....

There are days where I am the poster child for the phrase 'dumb blonde'.  Sometimes it feels like everyday and all day long.  Think back to your college days.  You are in a class that you wanted to take, eager to take, and giddy with learning the subject matter.  Then ten minutes into lecture your brain turns to mush.  By two weeks into the semester you are wondering why in the world you took the class but were determined to understand and pass the course. 

Sometimes I feel this turmoil when studying the Bible.  I am constantly seeking wisdom and understanding of God's word.  Occasionally upon reading scripture though my brain turns to mush, the blonde in me suddenly wants to drink, and I'm ready to throw in the towel.  I feel like I'm studying for a final exam that will determine the rest of my life....or actually I probably am, right?

Why must I feel this way?  I don't like it.   I don't like feeling like I'm the stupidest person sitting in church.  The last month or so I am desperately seeking God and searching for answers.  I am craving His word and the need for it to be in my life.  What I thought was God's plan does not seem to be coming into fruition.  I know that God puts us through tough times to test us, but how do you know if it is God testing you or Satan trying to beat you up?  (or is this a dumb blonde question?)

I guess I'm wondering if this is normal.  Is it normal not to understand His word?  Is it normal to want to have it spoken to me like I'm a three year old so that I can understand it?  Is it normal to want the black and white picture so that I can quit having anxiety and stress? 

Lord, help me understand your plan for me.  Give me the wisdom and knowledge to understand Your word and to share it with others.  Help me through these trials and to be full of Your grace.  In Jesus name, Amen.

7 Quick Takes Friday

I have been really bad about updating my blog lately so I am just now getting to it so here it goes....

A couple of weeks ago my friend Maggie awarded me a blog award!  How exciting!!! 

I'm not sure I can come up with 7 quick takes to list but its worth a shot to try.  I apologize ahead of time if you end up falling asleep before you finish reading this entry.

1.  Recently at my main job I had several different employee positions become open.  I had my HR department place an ad in the paper.  Because the economy and job market SUCKS I wasn't at all surprised when we had several people apply for the positions.  I was surprised however when I interviewed five different people and four of them I ended up hiring.  Typically when I am doing these interviews I end up chosing the 'best of the worst' candidate so I was thankful when I had options and qualified people to hire.

2.  My kids received their grade cards this week.  I am more than happy to report that they both did awesome.  Dalton is in 5th grade and made the all A Honor Roll as well as Principal Honor Roll (which means he had all straight A's).  Megan is in Kindergarten so her grade card does not give a grade but more tells if she is mastering skills.  At the end of last quarter she was hitting almost all the skills so it was not a surprise that she is still doing well and has progressed in those areas that she hadn't mastered last time.

3.  My husband, Craig, never ceases to amaze me!  For all the flack I give him I have to give credit where credit is due.  He steps up and does whatever is needed.  Last Saturday as I sat lazily in the recliner all day long he battled the laundry.  All week as he walked into the door from work, I was walking out the door to my second job.  He fixed supper, did dishes, made sure homework and baths were done.  I am blessed!

4.  This week has been a rough week personally.  The guilt is getting the better of me.  I feel guilty everytime I have to step out the door to go to another job.  Whether it is making my kids get up before the sun comes up so that I can rush to work.  Or picking my kids up from school and immediately going back to work and sticking them in a preschool classroom so that I can cover for staff that have called in for the day.  Then this week I discovered that I have a prior work commitment the same night that Megan's Kindergarten class is having a Valentine's Program.  I am blessed to have awesome co-workers that are willing to cover me so I can attend but sometimes that doesn't help the guilt.

5.  Anxiety is also stepping in full force.  I have and probably always will be a worry wart.  However, the last couple of weeks it has gotten worse.  I worry about little things in the house breaking down:  the furnace, the washer, the refrigerator, etc.  I worry about Craig's job.  He is having a rough time grasping some of the training and procedures.  He is worried that if he doesn't pick it up he isn't going to be there long.  So now we are both worrying.  I worry that the car is going to break down.  So then I wonder if we should trade it off before we end up spending money we don't have to fix it. 

6.  Stress is causing some physical aliments.  I am sick to my stomach most days.  I am positive it is from one of my jobs but I can't quit (and don't know if I really want to). 

7.  The last quick take is the best though.  It makes all of the above go away.  My Lord and Savior!  I have spent ALOT of time in my Bible this week.  I have woke up early just so I can have 15-20 minutes of quiet time with my Bible before heading out for the day.  I know that He has a plan for me, for Craig, and for the kids.  So I am seeking His wisdom more and more. 



I apologize for being a 'Debbie Downer' in my takes.  I think that is part of the reason why I haven't posted in awhile.  I don't like to be negative, let alone put it out there for a pity party.  But I also know that prayers and talking about it is better than bottling it up.  I know how blessed I am.  I am blessed every morning to wake up to a husband that loves me, two children that I adore, two jobs that provide for our needs, parents that love me unconditionally, and so many more things.   I promise next week my 7 takes will be more positive and maybe a tad bit more exciting (maybe)!  ;-)

Guatemala

A few of our church members, along with our pastor, are traveling to Santa Cruz del Quiche Guatemala to work on planting a church there.  Our pastor asked us to pray for safe travels, God's word, and the work that they will be doing in God's name.

The last couple of years I have thought it would be interesting and enlightening to take one of these trips.  Everytime a trip was announced I would sit there and start to think, "I want to go but..."  Then the list would start coming:

Can I afford the trip?
Can I afford to take time off of work?
Who would take the kids to school?
Craig lost his job...now we really can't afford it?
Who would watch the kids while Craig works?

Is the list above actual barricades or are they just excuses? 

After church I did my typical Sunday after lunch routine and popped right onto Facebook.  My pastor had posted a status about the trip and made a comment of the possibility of starting an orphanage in the same city.  I really don't know what made me do it but I immediately replied to him and told him that I would be interested in that mission.  Then I told Craig what I had said.  His reply, "Honey, that would TOTALLY be something you would do."  The pastor stated they are going to do more research and he would keep me posted on any information that would come out of it.

The last few years I have felt a strong urge that somehow and someway God wants me to do something with adoption.  Is it Craig and I adopting?  Is it helping others to adopt?  I'm not sure but He's talking and I sure am listening.

So those excuses up there are going to have to go away.  I know that God will provide a way for all my questions and/or obstacles to be answered.  He will find a way to provide the means for me to go.  He will provide someone to step up and help Craig out so I can go.   I am super excited!   And to be able
to see God's work come to life.  Wow!